BDSM: These Are The Basics

BDSM: These Are The Basics

BDSM: These Are The Basics

BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. It is an umbrella term covering a variety of sexual practices and lifestyles.

What BDSM disciplines you choose to engage in, is totally up to you. Maybe you only find certain aspects of one BDSM discipline appealing, maybe you’re interested in all of them. The beauty of BDSM is the broad variety of activities. Explore and enjoy the different disciplines individually or combine them in any way you desire.

In BDSM play the participants take on a submissive or a dominant role. The dominant role demonstrates power and controls the submissive role.

Bondage & Discipline

Bondage and discipline are play activities. Bondage usually involves one partner limiting the other’s movement by using restraints such as bondage rope, wrist or ankle cuffs. Discipline is about disciplinary role play, of which spanking is an example.

Dominance & Submission

While bondage and discipline are activities, dominance and submission are roles. The act of bondage and discipline are about the dynamic between the dominant and the submissive roles of the participants. The dominant role is also refered to as the top and the submissive role as the bottom. The bottom can also take on a dominant role by insisting certain acts from the top or even a role exchange.

Sadism & Masochism

Sadism en masochism, collectively known as SM, are characterised by deriving sexual pleasure from pain. To be clear, SM is not about hurting your partner. Sadism refers to the enjoyment of inflicting pain on someone, while masochism refers to the enjoyment of experiencing pain.

Some elements of SM can be quite intense, especially if you’re inexperienced. A good place to start exploring SM is sensory deprivation, which means removing one of the senses. This can be done by one of the partners being blindfolded and the other using a feather to gently touch, tickle or tease them. A soft touch can be contrasted by little nibbles using your teeth. When you’re comfortable, you can gradually introduce other SM elements to your play. You could use whips and paddles for spanking. As your experience and comfort grow, you might even want to experiment with medical instruments, such as a pinwheel, a dilator or a speculum.

Core values

The values you learn while exploring BDSM can directly correlate to the values in your relationship.

Consent

Consent is the affirmative, unambiguous and voluntary agreement to engage in a specific activity. Consent is a fundamental requirement for many things in life and is paramount to any sexual activity. Before engaging in BDSM play, it is crucial for partners to discuss their limits and give their consent. Consent is never implied and can be revoked at any time.

Trust

A relationship requires trust in order to be healthy. Equally, to explore and enjoy BDSM you and your partner must trust each other completely.

Communication

Communication is key in all interpersonal relationships, sex life is no different. In order to explore BDSM appropriately, you and your partner need to communicate openly, honestly and without judgement. It is important for partners to understand and trust the way in which they communicate. This applies to both verbal as well as body language. There must be no room left for assumptions when it comes to communicating and understanding each other’s limits, safe words and gestures.

Boundaries

A healthy BDSM relationship can only exist when you and your partner know each other’s boundaries. As boundaries are extremely personalised, understanding them requires communication and trust. You must respect your partner’s limits at all times and they must respect yours.

Aftercare

While BDSM is often associated with being rough, the importance of aftercare should not be forgotten. Aftercare refers to the softer ways of showing your partner affection after your more rough and intense BDSM play.

Before you start experimenting with BDSM, do your research and be informed. BDSM can only be enjoyed when you know what you’re doing and how to do it.

Would you like to know more about different BDSM toys? Read our post BDSM Toys - An Overview.

If after reading this post you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch with us at any time!


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